Category Archives: codependent

Reschedule your Worries

Are you worried?  Thinking about a loved one or trouble at work? Worried about something you are in charge of or a relationship problem?   Have you ever considered “rescheduling” your worry?  Can you give yourself 5 minutes to worry about it today then open up your calendar and reschedule a “worry time” a week from now?

Example: I was worried about my grand daughter.  When I became aware of her behavior I began to worry.  I wish I could do something to help.  After thinking about it,  I realized that I couldn’t do anything about it today except pray.  I then opened up my calendar and rescheduled my worry for next week when I was going to be with  someone who had more experience and insight than I had.

Rescheduling my worried is often the best solution for everyoneworry-445511.

I Worry Too Much

I Worry Too Much!
I used to say “I worry too much.”
I thought worrying equated to caring. I would worry about what others thought of me, I’d worry about what they thought of my children, I’d worry if someone was mad or sad or indifferent and even about whether my dress was as nice as others I saw at church. That is until I learned the W2W formula.
Fear seized my heart as I heard of men being called up for duty into
the military. My husband was an active reservist and I knew he could
be one of those called. For three days I lived and dreamed in fear and
Imagined what it would be like if he left us and yes, if he were killed.
It was hard to function from day to day. Finally, I realized I must face
my fear head on. Prayerfully I took a notebook and wrote what I would
do if worse came to worse(W2W). The quiet promise of faith in specific ways
as I wrote and I received keys that opened the bars to my self-made prison, and once again I was able to function . – First Aid for Feelings by Patricia Potts
Exactly how do you do W2W?
1. Pray for help and inspiration
2. Write down what you are worrying about. Include any fears associated with it. Here is my W2W from this morning: It has been 3 days since we have heard from our son. He is in Afghanistan in the middle of an ugly war. The last time we heard from him, his unit was under fire. I am worried he will be killed. I am worried that if he is not killed he will come home maimed or brain dead. I am worried that I won’t be able to handle it. I am worried that we won’t hear for days, weeks or months about how he is. This is monopolizing my life!
3. Face your worst fears as if they actually happened.
What if he was killed?—I know that he will be received by Jesus and allowed to learn the remaining lessons he needs. We could do the temple work for him. We could continue to pray for him
What if he was maimed? – This would be very difficult, but I know the Army would offer help. We could fix up the guest room for him. God would give us the strength to handle it. The ward would help.
You get the idea.
4. Do what you can do and remember the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Whether you are facing addictions, divorce or simply worrying about small things, the next time you find yourself saying, “I am worrying too much,” remember W2W. Most Importantly, remember the comforting comfort of our Savior that we will surely find as we put our trust in Him.

How to Measure a Man – not judging others

If I could have three wishes, one of them would definitely be that I would not judge others.

That is why I love a quote I came across in the bathroom this morning.  It simply said “Measure a man by his heart.” Those brief words struck me with clarity as I pondered my thoughts over the last few days.  I thought of how I had “measured” my husband, my neighbor, a friend and myself with a straight, unyielding yardstick.  From now on I want to embrace the numbers shown by a simply measuring by his/her heart.

Want to change someone?

Recently I had a situation with my 20 year old son when I wanted very badly to change his thinking so I was humbled as I read in my Alanon book:
ship in storm
Keep thyself first in peace and then thou wilt be able to bring others to peace. Have, therefore, a zeal in the first place over thyself. – Thomas A’ Kempis

It reminded me of another thought from FIRST AID FOR FEELINGS:

When a storm hits the sea, sailors quickly learn that before they can
help others, they must first secure one hand on the helm. When an
airplane is in trouble and oxygen masks are dispersed, passengers
are taught to put their own masks on before helping others. So it is in
our lives, we must pay attention to our own spirituality and well-being
first; then we will be prepared to help others. (Patricia Potts)

Small Ideas Making a Big Difference in going from Anxiety to Peace

numbers
“My medicine isn’t kicking in like it should. I am cycling from depression to grandiose ideas. This bipolar stinks! Do you have any ideas?” My friend anxiously asked.

As we talked there were three main ideas that came to my mind:
1. Ponder Pages
2. Prayer by Prayer
3. “Leaf”ing negative feelings behind

Ponder pages: Having a place for ideas/goals/should-dos in a notebook or planner or PDA can be invaluable. When ideas about what you should or want to do come (often in a torrent) write them down, committing yourself to prayerfully think about them in a quiet moment (doing laundry, dishes, driving etc.) I have often found that by the time I ponder on it I no longer have the desire to do it, I realize that it isn’t the right time or I have ideas about how it can become a reality.

Prayer by prayer
This is more fully described in my book My Journey from Darkness to Light. Basically I have learned that when I begin to feel overwhelmed it helps to:
A. Stop what I’m doing
B. Pray for help
C. Tell the Lord what I feel I need to/should be doing (I usually look at my planner and name 4-5 most pressing things)
D. I rub my hands together as if I had sand between my palms and the sand represents the pressures I am feeling. In a sense I let the sand (pressures) fall from my palms into the hands of my Savior leaving me with open hands ready to listen to what my Savior wants me to do.
E. Ask to know what HE wants me to do
F. At this point either (1) I have 2-3 ideas come back to me (often my thoughts include simple things like eat, take my meds and one of my 5 ideas) or (2) I don’t have any specific impressions but I am able to return to my list with less pressure and choose more wisely the things I can do that will bring me the greatest peace and happiness

“Leaf”ing negative feelings behind
I have explained this concept through youtube. It can be found on my website http://www.patriciapotts.com/Vids.html . It is also described in my book My Journey from Darkness to Light. This is a form of cognitive therapy that is quick, easy and efficient.

Negative/Pressure Thoughts Feeling Can I know this is totally true? Talk back

The house is a mess Overwhelmed, guilty, fearful No Maybe it isn’t as clean as I like but it’s not a total mess!
She is not answering her phone. She doesn’t want to talk to me. Sad, hurt, guilty No I am mind-reading. Her phone may be having trouble. I can pray and call a mutual friend.

These simple ideas can be the difference between anxiety and peace. May they bless your life like they have mine.

Danger: Nervous Mother in for Repair!!

2008-12_c-78-copyThe kids are fighting, the soup is burning, the carpet looks gray instead of beige and I am on the verge of crying. Why did I get myself into this mess?

Such was a day my life as a young mom. In desperation I cut out a stop sign out of white paper and wrote in bold, black marker: “DANGER!! Nervous Mother in for Repair!” I then told my kids that I had to have at least 10 – 15 minutes alone before I exploded! I stuck the sign on my bedroom door with scotch tape and listened to the peaceful sound of the door knob clicking as it closed me into my bedroom and I threw myself face up on the unmade bed.

Peace was short lived, however, as pleas of “Mommy, open the door!”, “This isn’t funny!” and “Heidi pulled my hair!” infiltrated through the space at the bottom of the door. My choice to take 10 – 15 minutes 2 – 3 times a day during the next few weeks continued to bring bangs and whines like storms, that threatened to invade my home. Yet, like storms, as my determination to take “repair time” continued, the storms began to decline and finally gave way as the kids realized that when I came out of the room I was a much nicer mom. The real proof of the success of the idea was when my daughter said “Maybe you need time out mom!”

It has been many years since I wrote that first sign. Now my daughters have children of their own and use signs of their own. And so, my stress-reduction tip for the day today is:
WHEN LIFE GETS TOUGH AND PEACE GROWS THIN
PUT OUT YOUR SIGN AND GO IN!

Codependent Bookmark: From Darkness to Light

 


  • Except when instructed by the spirit take your love

 to your loved one, your frustrations to the Lord.

  • If what your doing hasn’t worked the first 1000 times

 why do you think it will work the 1001st time?

  • Teach him true principles then respect his right to choose
  • Do what we can to help him feel a part of the family
  • Am I honoring his agency and letting life teach their lessons?
  • Men are that they might be free to choose liberty and eternal

 life or captivity and death.

  • Don’t worry.  The world will teach him. My efforts won’t

speed up the process but they may slow it down!

  • He values sleep, play and friends. W value integrity, work

 and family. We may not agree with him right now but perhaps

 by accepting him where he’s at I may be able to stop judging and

start allowing him to be on mile 2 instead of expecting mile 5.

  • Forgive him, Father, for he knows not what he does.
  • It is as it is…it cannot be otherwise
  • It is not my job to compel, coerce or prod
  • War didn’t humble them- only famine did
  • Remember the prodigal’s son.
  • Every knee shall bend…
  • They (the rebels) will return unto me.
  • He granteth  unto men according to their

Desires.

For more help see patriciapotts.com or you

can purchase My Journey from Darkness to Light

through Amazon.com.